I’m not Jewish, but I find holding on to traditions/rituals comforting. I noticed that some white people find comfort in Japanese/Asian rituals. Perhaps it’s a way of associating death as a foreign concept. I don’t know.
I look for answers on Google for where my Lover could possibly be. Sometimes Google’s not dependable.
Except one article in the NYT mentioned a study on complicated grief:
when patients with complicated grief looked at pictures of their loved ones, the nucleus accumbens — the part of the brain associated with rewards or longing — lighted up. It showed significantly less activity in people who experienced more normal patterns of grieving.
“It’s as if the brain were saying, ‘Yes I’m anticipating seeing this person’ and yet ‘I am not getting to see this person,’ ” Dr. O’Connor said. “The mismatch is very painful.”
This mismatch. This pain. This I know.